After writing this Why This Guy Will Not Ask For Your Phone Number at Why Do Guys…? I felt it would be only fair to turn the “mic” over to the nice guys.
She asked why a guy would do all that he did and still not ask for her number.
My short answer to her was timing or how when a guy waits too long to ask for a number, it gets harder and harder to ask.
You’ve been there. I think every nice guy has more than once in his life.
You meet a girl you’re attracted to or are interested enough to want to get to know her better in a public place you visit often.
Maybe you managed to talk with her and it went well so you wanted her phone number.
“We want to enhance and use our stronger points while at the same time working or fixing the weaker areas which may be stopping us from attracting women.” Attractive Men Are Not Perfect – Sharing and Using Your Strengths
After each interaction with her you just don’t know how to work in the “phone number” angle and you walk away with nothing but her smiling and you smacking yourself in the head later thinking you blew it once again.
As time passes you get to know her even more but since you never found a way to exchange information like her social address or phone number, you feel it’s too late to ask her now.
Even IF you could ask her it feels creepy. Like you’ve been stalking her this whole time.
Or how she’s going to think you have an agenda with her. How you were not interested in talking with her and you only wanted to date her or get her in bed.
If you wait too long and fail to ask her – your confidence drops and you believe she’ll only see you as some “nice guy friend” who either didn’t have the balls to ask for it, doesn’t have the experience to know how to get it, or worse yet… you think she assumes you didn’t want it in the first place.
We can also add the “rejection factor” to it. (It’s something I made up so don’t worry if you don’t know what it is.)
The rejection factor is simply how the severity of the rejection increases exponentially at a rate which is relevant to the person being rejected and when the rejection happens.
It means if you “pretend” to be her friend hoping something will happen and five months down the road you finally just tell her and she rejects you – it hurts much worse than it would if you told her within a few minutes.
The factor is made greater by the publicity of the rejection. If you ask her for her number and she rejects you in public, where other might see you, the severity or how much it hurts goes up a lot more.
So if you meet her, lets say like the girl in the article did, in a coffee shop and you keep coming back but never got her number (yet you’ve always wanted it) , the longer you wait the harder it gets and the more the feelings of “rejection” loom over. Right?
The longer you wait, the harder it gets.
Being a nice guy I can understand how tough it can be to get phone numbers which you only plan to use as a prelude to asking her out.
Countless women have come and gone in my life where I avoided the rejection by not at least asking for it.
It never felt right.
The timing was never there.
The topic never came up.
“I was suddenly communicating very quickly to the women I wanted that I wasn’t just another Wussy or desperate loser who just wanted to get in her pants.” What Women Want From Guys Who Approach Them & A 4 Question Quiz On How @ The Approach
I can’t tell you how many times I wished she’d make it easy and just ask me herself to alleviate my stress. It never occurred to me how SHE was feeling though. Maybe she wanted me to get in touch with, maybe she didn’t, maybe SHE felt rejected, maybe she though I wasn’t interested anyways.
Luckily I can now say this:
Exchanging contact information is simply a social protocol. (So to speak because protocol is the customs and regulations dealing with diplomatic formality, precedence, and etiquette.)
On the surface it’s only the right thing to do.
It’s proper “etiquette” after a normal conversation with some chemistry between two hopefully single people to exchange phone numbers.
Well you’re nice, so you better be single. 😀
“Hey, it was fun… let’s continue this later on.”
However when you look beyond the surface you have all the “nice guy” problems which will only stop you from getting to the next step.
Sometimes you will be rejected. Sometimes she will assume you have an agenda. She might assume you’re only interested in dating her or asking her out. In fact it’s better if she does assume that anyways that way there’s no miscommunication about what is happening.
What’s your problem? I can only speculate based on my experience in asking and watching.
Why didn’t you ask that cute girl for her number when you know you wanted?
- Did you not know how to work it in the conversation?
- Was the timing never there?
- Was it in a public place where you didn’t want to get rejected in front of everybody?
- What were you really scared of happening?
- Did you doubt yourself or even believe she would give it to you anyways?
- Do you struggle with the transition?
- Were you going to call it anyways?
“When you’re not having problems approaching and meeting people, what makes it so hard to leave with their contact information?”
The Next Step of Meeting People Is the Hardest Part – Getting A Number @ The Approach