Dating can be about exploring options as much as it can be about learning compatibility.
They also tend to struggle attracting women which makes it very difficult to date lots of women. They use excuses to avoid meeting women and don’t explore all the real options to make “getting dates” happen.
So this is a real problem and they don’t get all the benefits included in dating many women:
- Creates an abundance attitude which overrides the scarcity mentality which most nice guys have.
- Learning qualification and allowing a woman to prove herself (in a good way).
- Avoids becoming overly needy, desperate, or looking like you do not have any other real choices.
- Allows you to feel pre-selected which boosts your confidence and helps to maintain a high esteem.
- Makes you a REAL challenge. A man who is hard to get while avoiding having to play hard to get.
“Being hard to get does NOT have to be a game. It only means you ARE hard to get.” – Being Hard To Get or How To Become One Without Playing Games
This series is about how those others guys attract women in an often accidental and negative way but how a nice guy can use it positively.
Jerks will claim to commit but they are often cheaters. They entice women to fight for their attention. This makes them feel special and often fills the holes they have in their self-esteem.
Their esteem then constantly leaks out because of their lack of true confidence.
Because of their lack of real commitment or conviction they appear to be a challenge which in some way, makes it easy for them to date lots of women. On the side or not while in a relationship.
Bad boys are hard to keep in one place and will use their lifestyle to keep them from ever getting too close to one woman. They often do not feel worthy enough of a great woman yet show signs of being the ultimate Alpha Male.
The may appear to have a fear of commitment, because they rarely do, and often offer an unnatural challenge and women fall for it.
Players will use one woman against another to get both of them or many more of them. This hypes up the competitive nature women have. They will often make the woman feel like she is the “only” one for him but he can not shake his past. It’s like there’s always one woman who won’t let him go.
Players often fake commitment and always make it look like they are pre-selected.
The nice guy falls in love all too easily and attaches himself to one woman at a time whether she likes him back or not.
He is far from a serial dater if in fact he goes on many dates at all.
He doesn’t believe he CAN have a choice and often feels bad when he’s given a choice between two women. His prediction of guilt often has him going from relationship to relationship non-stop with little or no dating in between.
He also believes women are the choosers and men are merely there to await her approval.
AND he couldn’t be more wrong.
NEVER FORGET THIS: A good woman is somewhat easy to find BUT a real man with choices who knows his worth is rare and extremely valuable to women.
The nice guy approach…
We know the jerk cares more about himself than the women he’s with, his commitment means nothing to a certain extent. The bad boy doesn’t stick around long enough. The player uses women against each other maintaining a constant stream of dates to play on one another.
The effect each of those have is perceived by women as a man who is hard to get. Has choices AND it appears because of that, she believes… Women want him so he must be worth getting.
Others call this “pre-selection” or being pre-selected.
When one of them “chooses” her it makes her feel special and she might even believe, because she got him (although it’s a temporary thing) she MUST be worth it. Making it easy to see how many of these guy prey on the lower self-esteem women.
Remember just because it appears a woman has it altogether doesn’t make it true. That hot model with looks and money and an outwardly amazing lifestyle easily finds herself with each of those guys because she probably doesn’t feel good enough inside among other issues.
Good looks do not guarantee esteem or self-confidence.
With all that said – as a nice guy – you can date lots of women and appear pre-selected yourself.
If you refrain from using women, using women purposely against each other, becoming one of “those” not-so-nice guys above who is only interested in leaving quickly after you have her – then consider yourself a “real” “good guy” no matter how many women you’re dating.
You’re dating lots of women to find the one who matches up the best with you and where it’s a mutual feeling. Done with this purpose – makes it okay.
Done to harm, degrade, use. hurt with intent, or any other reason where your goal is to make it look like you’re a better man than you actually are – well then you’re no longer considered one of the good guys. It’s best to learn the difference early on.
Have you ever noticed when it comes to drinking soda there are two different types of people?
One only drinks diet and can’t stand the taste of regular. The other only drinks regular and can not stand the taste of diet. This is usually based on what we grow up drinking.
When we get so used to the taste of one, the other often tastes awful.
When I put this in the context of dating it’s clear we can become so easily complacent over one woman it makes other women look just not good enough.
When we focus on the one we think we want before we even get to know her, we build her status and ours goes quickly down in her eyes.
And by lowering our status we decrease her attraction if it was even there.
Get to know a lot about any one woman before you make a commitment and along the way, let her earn the right by proving she would make an incredible girlfriend.
“This “one woman” thing seems to be a real problem for nice guys which is why it must be addressed and solved one way or another.” – Why Attracting Several Women Works Better & The Benefits Of Choices
Trust me, the last thing you want to do is find out something about her too late. Not only will it be much harder to get out, but you’re both going to get hurt in the end.
Every woman…Yes every woman who has many choices or has guys begging for their approval will never close that door of opportunity until you give her a good reason to do so.
Let’s assume you meet this incredible girl who gets lots of attention from men. In fact she gets so much attention she has grown accustom to it. In the extreme case she actually thrives on it. The more single-minded attention you give her, the faster you will push her to those other men.
Which is another great reason to make sure you are casually dating more than one woman.
She is not going to stop seeing other guys just because you came along.
Seriously. You can sweep her off her feet and give her the most incredible experience of her life but those other guys will not go away so easily.
Now let’s say you react to her seeking out attention, (which by the way in her mind just makes her feel better and it has nothing to do with YOU at all.) and you do it in negative way. Such as early jealousy, seeking her approval over others, and/or attempting to demean her other suitors.
This only proves to her you can not handle her.
It’s a test and trust me I know this from so many experiences of screwing it up…
Do NOT fail this test because it’s important for her to understand you have choices just as she does.
No matter what happens your confident attitude must see the so-called competition as being nothing more than allowing her to live her own life.
Always allow her the freedom to make her own choices & decisions. Let her accept responsibility for every action she takes on her own terms.
Let’s say you have TWO choices, A and B.
You may not like either of them but they both are a fact of your own strength to accept responsibility of your actions also. Doing so raises your self-worth and esteem to a much higher level which quality women find extremely attractive.
CHOICE A: Risk losing her entirely or risk her controlling you by reacting negatively. Try to prove to her you can shower her with even more affection. Show signs of jealousy and react to these other men in her life.
CHOICE B: Always allow her the freedom to make her own choices and let her accept responsibility for every action she takes.
Risk losing her by being a mature man who not only understands her need for attention may be a little too much to deal with (her lack of self-esteem that is) and NEVER react to her plea for attention by seeking her approval.
Both involve a risk and since they do, why not choose the one which has a better outcome either way.
Remember to always keep in mind quality women have lots of choices. Women have lots of guys they don’t want begging for their approval and they grow up learning how to deal with it in their own way.
Most men don’t feel they have choices and will get stuck falling for just one woman way too often. This scarcity mentality, if not overcome, will literally shut your door of opportunity.
Date as many women as your social life can handle.
Learn a little more about them each time you see them.
Eventually one will begin to rise above the rest and you can dedicate a little more time to just her. She’ll even feel more special knowing you’re beginning to choose her over the others. BUT…
Until that mutual commitment comes along, until you are both ready and feel strongly enough, she will not stop seeing other men.
Likewise they will not stop trying to be with her and steal her time from you.
If you don’t do the same for yourself every rejection will that much harder. Every woman you meet where it doesn’t work out will affect you even more. Don’t let it happen and date as many women you can handle.
When you meet that strong woman who understands it all completely, (And plenty of them already do know. They just don’t want guys to know it’s okay because it works against them.) she’ll feel more attracted to you and respect you for it.
She may not ultimately decide that you are for her but don’t take it personally. It often has nothing to do with you at all.
Keep those choices in your life coming and a natural indifference will develop.
You’ll be less inclined to commit too early AND she’ll be that much more likely to follow your lead – when you know without a doubt you only want HER in your life.