Do you really have to be a jerk to attract women?
Can you just “be” or become an asshole and women will be drawn to you?
What about how good-looking you are, does that have something to do with it?
Meaning – if we imagine two guys, both are jerks to the same degree. Yet one is good-looking and the other is not. The second is borderline ugly.
Assuming women do tend to go for the jerks over the nice guys, which guy will “get laid” more?
In other words, does a guy have to be good-looking to be a jerk who has no problem attracting women? Will the ugly man find his bad attitude means nothing because of his “bad” looks?
Does it really matter how the better looking guy acts? Can he get away with more bullshit than the not-so-good looking ones just because women find him physically attractive?
If we want to answer these questions we must first understand how attraction works for women or decide whether a guy’s look has something to do with his abilities with women. (The more we assume the less of a real answer we get.)
All this while keeping in mind what kind of “women” are we talking about – or exactly how hot she is or if her beauty is somewhat related to the guys she actually dates or sleeps with on a given night.
It’s all too easy to notice how in everyday situations when we see a hot woman and look by her side, the guy she’s with all too often falls in the tall dark handsome category. Saw it more than twice myself just yesterday.
Suffice to say then, what about the average or less attractive women and who is by their side? First do we even notice or care who she’s with and second, is he as equal in looks to her? Is he generally taller than her? If by chance then if he a nice guy or some jerk.
We have yet to account for age, wealth, fame, or social circumstances. We have also yet to even consider where all this is happening.
Was it a big city with lots of people and choice? A small town with very few? A medium-sized place with a generous degree of diversity? Or even a highly constricted area with strict customs or religious beliefs having a bigger play in the outcome of who is hooking up with whom?
With so much to consider (and more yet to be mentioned) how do we get ourselves back to the original line of questioning without losing sight of the real answer? Is that even possible?
We can go the way of the limited belief “all” questioning…
Is it absolutely true that every woman in the world who is dating, in a relationship, or married with some jerk?
Is it absolutely true that every good-looking guy is just another asshole?
Is it true that every average or ugly guy is alone, single, and sort-of destined to never find a girlfriend… ever?
Is it true that looks have everything to do with a man’s personality? Is every ugly man nice and every handsome man a prick?
That line of questioning seems absurd but it clearly points out the problems of assuming answers based on the somewhat averages of what we see or experience.
Clearly the answer is not a definitive yes or no because within each case exists a varied range of outcomes based on many factors. If ALL those factors are not considered (which seems impossible with regards to humans) our answers are merely predictive. Might as well bet on them based on the odds of that being true for that case or not.
Asking if a guy has to be a dick to attract women or stating only jerks get laid or even assuming nice guys have absolutely no chance because it’s true, right; every nice guy walking the planet is alone and single, has not and probably will only give us the answer the person asking wants to find… based on his belief system. Limited or not.
However those answers and questions or assumptions (although true at times) are done everyday by men and women alike.
The nice guy who selectively only sees the hot chic with the tall dark and handsome guy who just happens to BE a jerk assumes it must be true. He’s alone. The other guy is not. He wants an attractive women but she does not want to be with him.
Similarly, the women who assume all guys are only into attractive women and points it out as truth . She sees a guy, becomes attracted to him, and finds out one way or another that his girlfriend or the women he dates appear to be far more attractive than her. She finds and then feels based on experience the men she wants don’t want her back and discounts all her pursuers because she doesn’t feel attracted to them.
We could go on but why bother? It’s clear either case above has not considered everything. Although their predictions are right on occasion, they are certainly not the absolute truth.
If we are to base a belief system or make an attraction system or try to use the answers in any way which is productive, we’ll fail.
All these thoughts today are considered (and much more) as we struggle to find someone to share our lives with whether we find that person or not. During my years this line of questioning has made me mad, sad, sometimes happy, sometimes glad, but never really got me anywhere.
I‘m not proposing anything special today. There’s no grand idea in my head although I feel the answers are very clear to me now. You’ll find some of those answers or beliefs in my last article – One Reason Why She’s Attracted to Jerks & How A Nice Guy Can Do It Too and a deeper look into how this type of reasoning or question/answer routine can become beneficial to a nice guy who wants to learn a way to attract women by signing up to my newsletter.
This is more for you to talk about, consider, and gather some information on what people actually do believe on the whole nice guy/jerk thing.
Here are the questions which can be considered today which were proposed above:
- Do you really have to be a jerk to attract women?
- Can you just become an asshole and women will be drawn to you?
- Imagine two guys, both are jerks to the same degree. Yet one is good-looking and the other is not. The second is borderline ugly. Assuming women do tend to go for the jerks over the nice guys, which guy will “get laid” more?
- Does a guy have to be good-looking to be a jerk and still attract women?
- Will an uglier or average looking guy find that same bad attitude won’t work because of his looks?
- Does it really matter how the better looking guy acts? Can he get away with more bullshit than the not-so-good looking ones just because women find him physically attractive?
- Does all this have more to do with who the women is, how attractive she is, and so on… than it does about thee guy?
- Are social circumstances more of a factor? Do customs play a bigger role than we might be giving it?