Being nice and getting laid are four words rarely heard together unless there’s some NOT thrown in the mix.
This whole “nice guy approach” is meant to disprove the idea that nice guys finish last by introducing another way of looking at this problem which says,
“Forget being nice. Nice is a form of manipulation in many ways. If you’re a good decent real man you never need to prove it. Women will GET it”
Eliminate being needy, seeking approval, kissing ass, giving away favors hoping some woman will like you, and you’re headed in the right direction.
Stop trying to prove to women you’re a good guy and just BE a person who respects themselves and they will get it.
Good implies you’re not out to harm someone emotionally or physically. Good says you’re not going to put down others to make yourself look better or feel better about yourself.
If you want to push things to the edge a little and attract lots of women then sure, add a little of the bad boy to your life. Bad in the sense that you take some real risk. You’re not afraid of living. You DO things. You’re not so concerned about the future that you avoid living in the present.
Create a balance which works for you and women will become attracted to you.
Stop trying to coddle women and treat them like they’re fragile creatures who can not handle life. Some are weaker than you. Some are stronger than you. Some are better at living than you. Some are not. Some are exceptional at handling challenges and others are not.
Just because they’re female does not make them inferior or mean they need you to solve their problems or fully support them or they’ll fall down and fail.
BUT… they are still WOMEN.
Which means they respond attractively to men in a different way than you respond to women. You can not attract women by using logic or reasoning and the harder you try doing that the more confused you’ll become and the further you’ll be from being in control of your dating and relationship life.
Here’s my sad story.
Two women (and a guy – no it’s not what you think) in the span of two weeks spent in a tent just outside of warm cozy beach. You’d think it would be the perfect place to get some but it was far from that because I tried to “nice” them all into liking me back.
The first lovely blonde surfer girl. A freakin-mazing. We got close. I did my nice thing by doing everything in my power to not offend her. I tried to be “different” than the guys who were all up her body drooling and tossing her lines.
The sad part was I thought what I was doing was working because within a very short time we became VERY close. Closer than those “other” guys.
Then I made the mistake of telling her how much I liked her and she backed away, “Sorry, I have a boyfriend back home and I’m not interested.”
I thought, “Oh of course you do. Why wouldn’t you. It’s okay. I understand. It’s not ME. You’re taken. You DO like me but it’s not going to happen because you’re with someone.”
My self-esteem was saved a terrible blow.
Well, until a few days later when she hooked up with some OTHER guy. Guess her boyfriend back home was not as important as she made it appear.
A real darling. Sweet. Kind. Beautiful inside and out. I kept my distance from her because my friend was into her and some other guy was chasing her. I just didn’t feel like competing with them over her.
That is until she made it clear she was “sort of” into all three of us. My friend was okay with me liking her and so it goes… it was on.
But instead of getting us alone, making a move, being a real guy, I felt like kissing her ass a little more and once again, trying to prove to her that I was DIFFERENT. I wasn’t going to chase her or make her feel like she was just another body. All that making me feel like I deserved her.
A lot of good that did me because she quietly denied me and chose my friend, “Sorry. I just like him a little more. You’re still a great guy…” (Blah blah blah…) You know what I mean.
No excuses, I took it like a man. He won. I backed off and spent hours sullen into playing my keyboard as a let the depression pass from my heart to my fingers to my keyboard to the open air. It was MY way of getting passed the constant rejection.
Now for the guy.
We were hanging out and he was GOOD with women. He could pick up a woman so easily and liked having me around. He was “showing” me how it was done although I still didn’t have the balls to DO what he was doing.
A few things separated me from him.
His attitude. Didn’t give two shits about the outcome. He was extremely outward and social. He didn’t try to play things from the background like me.
He was charming. He wasn’t afraid to compliment any woman he saw. In fact he was utterly fearless around women by what he said or did but he wasn’t over the top. He didn’t do things for the attention. He just “did” things and women responded to it in many ways which were ALL good.
Me? I was filled with fear. Afraid to offend. Afraid to be someone else. I wasn’t an “attention seeker” but inside I was desperately seeking any sort of sexual attention from a woman and I’m positive women saw that from me a mile away.
He was always moving forward. He didn’t wait for something to happen or for someone else to make it happen.
He saw, he moved right in with absolutely no hesitation whatsoever.
Me? I was always waiting patiently “hoping” to get lucky. Held back and waited for that one perfect moment. Mostly stares and terrible eye contact looking for approval from far away before I would even dare say something.
Now sure when you’re in the place I was, tons of hot women, you’re going to meet them but by then, it was too late.
Accidental meetings with weak timid approval seeking words just don’t add up any kind of attraction at all.
Whereas he moved in quickly – I was following. Always letting him (and women) take the lead. I left all the risk to someone else.
He was NEVER rude, lewd, crude, or out of control either. He didn’t do things just to get a rise out of someone. He didn’t belittle women or treat them like shit. He didn’t interact with them in a way which said “you’re just body with a face”.
Inside I wanted nothing more than to bend them over and fuck them. Sure I wanted a “real” girlfriend. I wanted the romance and shit too. BUT I couldn’t see past their body. I tried to seduce their minds with “niceness” and movie-like moments where the girl fell head over heels with some guy just because he was so smart and cute. Proving to her she does like the “quiet” nice guys.
Don’t get me wrong. He DID want it from them but he didn’t hide it or throw it in their faces like some asshole.
His attitude was, “I Could if I wanted to but in the end, it’s not what it’s all about. It’s there. I won’t deny it BUT it does not make me ME. I won’t blatantly state it or demean women because of it but also, I will NOT let IT control me. I’m not here just to get laid. I’m here to have fun. Get a smile. Maybe enjoy a moment or two. Maybe I’ll even get deep on occasion and have one of those deeper conversations but it doesn’t matter. Whatever happens… happens.”
In HIS cases it happened a lot.
But unlike what I was doing at that time, he moved forward quickly.
If he wanted something or to talk with someone, it wasn’t the end game AND because of that it happened more to him because of what he did along the way.
AND he was one hell of a good guy. After all I never befriend bad people and if he turned out to be a scumbag who was “not so nice” we would’ve never hung out.
Keep all this mind and remember this last sad point:
It took me well over ten years to put it all together with the help of a guy similar to him when it was right in front of me long before Mister DeAngelo came into my life.
This advice is timeless. Transcends fads and crazy pick up routines AND women.
Sucks to know it was always right there for me and I just couldn’t put it together.
Being a good guy and still attracting amazing women DO go together.
Whether you’re just out to have a little fun, maybe get laid more, find a girlfriend, or even a wife – it doesn’t matter what your goal is today or tomorrow it can be achieved.
If you’re a good decent real man – you can STILL achieve success with women.
You can still be a “good” guy who is respected. Learn how to interact with women a little differently and problem solved, for the most part.