“I get hit on a ton and asked out. I would say I’m attractive and an extrovert but I’m more sexy/hot than say wholesome beautiful like Emily Blunt. But, I TRY to go after the nice guys. I ALWAYS get hit on and date the narcissistic men with boats, fast cars, the lifestyle. But, deep down inside, I gravitate to the more shy introvert “nice” guy. They seem to ignore me. I’m very blunt in my delivery and I will say “I don’t care if you make small money or don’t have a car” etc. But, I feel at times, that can hurt his ego for not being good enough? You can’t win with them. I always fall deep for the average nice guy but they never want to go deep with me. They will objectify me (as stated in your article) but never want to actually date me long term. Even though I’m loyal, nice guys tend to not be trusting of me due to being hit on often. How can you show you like them without hurting their ego by telling them basically “you’re handsome TO ME and I don’t care what your financial status is, I still like you.”
What do you think guys?
What’s your first gut reaction to a comment like this?
My reaction was of course to advise her because, well, she asked. I wrote:
“There’s not much you can do to build a man’s confidence and esteem when you’re not actually in a relationship. It’s something they have to learn on their own.
Yes, you’re right, I wouldn’t ever tell a guy you don’t care that he doesn’t make enough money or something like that. You should NOT have to tell a guy you think you’re good enough for him.
You also can NOT make someone trust you. It’s again, something they have to learn for themselves or it becomes something else much worse.
My advice is to say exactly what you think of them MINUS the negative part. For example, don’t say “you’re handsome TO ME and I don’t care what your financial status”- instead just say, “You’re handsome.” Nothing more. Avoid adding the judgement part because it will nullify the good part.
From there, it’s up to them. You can only communicate what you feel, how the other person takes it is beyond your control.
Keep in mind in your search for average nice guys, that “average” is not usually a nice thing to call a guy and nice is not always so nice. It’s kind of manipulative.
Search for “good” guys who understand women and how to interact with them confidently and maturely. They ARE out there.
I can not get into your exact interactions with men, that would cost you a lot of money BUT I will say, STOP searching for nice guys immediately.
Instead – look for maturity, confidence, and esteem (there are actually shy guys who have those traits.) Once you meet one or a few them, immediately test them for their “goodness” and not niceness. There’s a difference and if you don’t know it, please learn it. Here’s a “good” place to start:
When it comes to long-term dating and showing guys you like them, I will say quickly:
You can only do so much to allow a guy to decide he wants to date you long-term. You only have control over yourself there. Some guys are just not ready, willing, or even capable of it.
Showing a guy you like them is simply a matter of paying attention, being fairly attentive, flirting, letting him see you get turned on when it happens, and so on… (Yeah there’s more to it but that’s enough for now.) Beyond that, it’s again up to HIM to believe it. I’ve known men to sleep with and date lots of women who still don’t believe women actually like them.
That’s why I say – look for maturity, confidence, and esteem FIRST.
Oh you might like these two articles I wrote too:
- Tried All The Approaches & Women Really DO Want A Nice Guy
- The Real Problems Of An Attractive & Beautiful Woman
After further discussion a little more came to mind. Now this is just between you and me, okay? 🙂
Maybe she’s a little stuck up and that could be a problem. Nice guys normally don’t like women who are a little high on themselves. It turns us off.
However she may not be that way, it’s just HOW she’s communicating to men which causes them to think this way. You know, the part where she is basically telling a guy you’re poor but it’s okay. Which is why I told her to change the way she communicates to those nice guys.
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Unfortunately for her, she “gravitates” towards introvert nice guys and that alone tells me they’re going to be suspicious and less capable of handling social situations especially when it comes to other guys hitting on her. So that may also be a part of the problem.
…And when they find out she gets hit on by men with boats, fast cars, (living) the lifestyle, I can see why lots of nice guys would feel inferior.
My point is:
“Communicating an attractive personality is an area where most nice guys screw up but it’s also one area which can be learned regardless of age, wealth, or looks.” – Learn How To Talk & Communicate Attraction – Outside Resources Only
Attractive beautiful can feel attracted to shy nice guys.
You can see above how this women is struggling getting a guy like that to commit to her, or want to be with her long-term, or to just look beyond her body for something more.
This main reason she is not having much success is COMMUNICATION, which is also big reason nice guys don’t have much success with women too.
The simple formula for attraction is:
WHO you are and HOW you communicate who you are.
(Knowing you can not control how another person understands that communication. Trying to assure someone always understands you is borderline manipulative and rarely works the way you think.)
I will never say, “Just be yourself” because I know from personal experience it does NOT work.
However, I will say remain true to yourself, build that confidence, be strong, develop strength, maturity, and a very cool attitude. Yeah, for some that’s the tough part but it’s the one part you have complete control of so it’s something you CAN accomplish.
From there, it will 100% come down to HOW you COMMUNICATE to women in a way which allows them to feel attracted to you – regardless of what you do or even how you do it.
Do you know how to communicate to women this way?
If you’re not sure – ask yourself this,
“Are the women I’m attracted to, feeling attracted to me? OR does it feel like I have to work for her attention or be someone I’m not?”
Because if you answer “No” and “Yes” I do feel like I have to work for it or be someone I’m not then you do NOT know how to communicate yourself to women the right way.
“Change how you “communicate” with women and you’ll attract more than you can ever handle or probably would want.” – Stop Talking To Women – Start Communicating Attraction