We can argue all day whether most people agree that women are attracted to jerks. Our experiences will tend to lead us in one direction or another. You can send me your opinion in the comment area below… I’ll “probably” listen.
My belief is that women are NOT actually attracted to jerks…
They merely find themselves drawn to certain traits that the jerk displays or might have.
(Let’s not get into the self-deprecation side or destructive habits which causes some women to ONLY enter co-dependent relationships.)
The more I studied and experimented with their ideas, the more it became obviously true. (Again, this does not include men and women who are the more likely to cause harm to themselves.)
When we compare the “nice guy” habits or traits to the jerk it becomes so clear that it’s not the jerk she wants therefore something else must be going on.
One of the biggest reasons women can be drawn to a jerk is without a doubt: Their bad boy attitude.
Nice guys are not considered bad boys. They don’t tend to live exciting and dangerous lives. Generally they are complacent or find complacency in their live making them comfortable and stable.
Danger or being dangerous around a woman is definitely something women are attracted to and part of it is that a certain women might fear taking risks for themselves. Just being around a risk-taker makes it easier to either do or experience the emotional highs through another person. This quite possibly drawing women to the bad bay.
The problem nice guys have with this bad boy attitude is that they think it always means physical risk which is far from the truth.
RISK is facing a fear regardless of the outcome. Taking a RISK is doing something despite the fact it may cause physical or emotional harm.
FEAR is an internal thing. FEAR is predicting the future either based on previous experiences or imagining an outcome which is also physical or emotionally harmful.
The bad boy attitude a jerk sometimes displays means he has no prediction mode or cares less about the future or whatever his reasons are for being a “dangerous” person. He takes more risks. He appears relatively fearless. He seems to live in the present more than a nice guy.
If a nice guy was to risk rejection a hundred times with a hundred different women, chances are he will succeed with one or more of those women in the way he wants. That is regardless of his technique or his crass.
In fact his approach doesn’t even have to be socially acceptable and some women will respond in a way he will never experience by trying to “nice” his way in or avoid the fear of rejection.
Remember…. taking risks, facing fears, less emphasis on the outcome, and so on does not have to be actual physical “things” to correctly display the jerk’s attitude minus the asshole antics.
Which is GREAT news for the nice guys how want to “up their game” or in way “compete” with a jerk on a level he can NEVER match.
Courage, even though it may appear to come more from a jerk than a “nice guy” because of his often overly macho attitude is not at all the truth. Often, the courage he displays is merely a guard, a deflection, an overcompensation of his low self-esteem… he’s trying to hide his fears from the world to make himself look stronger.
The nice guy (when risks are faced) shows real courage which is by far much more attractive because it’s genuine and unquestioned. Not many people assume bad motives when a nice guy shows courage but will always questions the jerks “end-game” or think he must WANT something.
Women are NOT attracted to a jerk’s bad behavior (generally speaking), they are attracted to what those behaviors might say about the guy…
BUT they will always question his motives. He may never be trusted leaving him with little freedom to act on or choose his relationships.
The nice guy however, (when stripped of his often ass-kissing/manipulative ways which women also don’t trust) AND shows real courage at appropriate times – has full freedom of action and choice because being deemed as “one of the good guys” is rarely questioned about motives or morals or “end-game”… making HIM much more attractive to ANY woman who wants the REAL thing.