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The Nice Guys Approach To Attracting Women

Even If She First Saw You As A Sad Lonely Guy Who Couldn’t Get Laid

in Attractive Conversations

She said,

“Oh sure, you don’t have to worry about it… you’re married!” – or something like that.

So I responded with a good laugh in my typical evil tone of course,

“Haha!! Why would you think I’m married? I never told you that and obviously I don’t wear a ring.”

She came back with,

“I don’t know.” and then nervously laughed out the rest, “…Because you’re nice. I figured you’re married. You don’t act like those other guys so I just assumed you were…”

My interruption cut her off,

“No I get it.” I gave her a coy smile and, “Good looking guy like myself. I know what you’re saying… someone must’ve of snatched me up by now.”

Now I’ve been called many things in my life and nice was ALWAYS the worst. It’s normally a death sentence from a woman who wants nothing to do with you sexually.

Except in this case…

It never crossed my mind much that a woman could tell me I’m “nice” in a positive way while at the same time starting to feel attracted to me.

She, for whatever her reasons were – disqualified herself to me before I even knew it.

Lots of women do it.

They assume some not-so random guy would never want them anyways and come up with lots of reasons why it wouldn’t work anyways. As if they’re predicting a guy is already out of their league.

Sound familiar?

It should because if you’re a nice guy and struggle in the woman department or never feel like you can have what you really want, you do it too.

“She wouldn’t want me anyways because…”

Go ahead and fill in the blank to match how you feel today. Mine USED to be: too short, too ugly, too poor, too old – and that’s in order of significance.

“A lot pressure to put on women often masked by the nice guy persona, (…) another reason nice guys are in the loser column with regards to “hotter” women.” If Being Nice Means Being A Loser With Women, Must We Admit It First?

Notice how “too nice” isn’t there because I did.

It never occurred to me that a guy could be “too nice” until I learned what that really meant and why it was stopping me from getting laid or finding a decent “attractive” girlfriend.


So here’s this a bit messed up young cutey (who is perhaps a little too empathetic) disqualifying me so causally in what appeared to be an innocent statement about me being married.

And what did I do…? I turned it on her as if it was HER secret excuse which I’m sure is, in a way, because I’m more than positive that is her thing and her issues.

BUT in reality the bigger issue or something we can take away today is:

HOW a woman perceives us, the vibes we put out, the image she puts in her head the few seconds or moments she thinks about us; whether it’s from a fleeting thought about attraction or even a disgusted way of, “I’d never!” – forever banishing us to the friends zone before we even speak.

Suddenly, “…too nice you must be married” might also mean I looked rather settled in my ways.

Older, less determined, somewhat happy in my own world.

Cooler, calmer, in control like I’m getting some anyways and don’t need to be trolling for numbers from every young hottie I meet.

ALL true of course.

Just never occurred to me how many unsuspected single women might see me that way too and what it means to my current dating life.

You see, to REALLY turns things around (with attracting women) I believe you must take that image, the very first moment a woman thinks and feels a little something good inside about you and (sort of) run with it.

You’re only wasting your time and turning off her attraction by insistently trying to change that image to better yourself in her eyes. It’s a classic and huge mistakes nice guys make.

If she says you’re too nice – you try to disprove it to her.

If she’s says you’re too old – you try to show her you have a young heart.

If she rejects you because you waited 15 months to do anything with her and instead you not-so-secretly revealed your feelings for her – then you try even harder thinking your romantic side will win her over.

And none of that really works to “change” her mind or hasn’t for you, has it?

“Tired of not getting any he tried being a jerk. Stopped being nice one day to see where it got him. All that got him was an angry depressed world to wake up to everyday and no closer to getting laid or finding a girl.”Do You Think Being Nice Is Why You’re Not Successful Attracting Women?

Here’s my angle.

She might think I’m older (maybe even too old) but you know what – old can easily become MATURE – RESPONSIBLE – EXPERIENCED – DONE WITH PLAYING GAMES.

Why mess with something so many powerfully attractive  traits when so many “other” guys are far from any of those things.

She might instantly see me or assume I’m taken or married and to me that screams “pre-selection”.

Some OTHER woman might’ve snatched me up which implies I’m a catch and I’m off-limits too.

Letting her believe she could never have me for a while can and will only amp her attraction.

Who wants something which is given to them all too easily?

She might (at first glance or conversation) believe I’m cool, calm, in control and “getting some” which is the reason I’m not wrapped up in trolling for numbers and why I didn’t get hers as quick as the other guys she’s used to dealing with tried.

Why would I want to change her mind about any of those things because what women doesn’t want a cool guy who is in relative control over themselves and their lives.

So here’s what I do…

I go along with it. I can’t help change her first impression BUT I certainly can take what she sees, find the attractive positive angle, and simply build it up even more.

As long as it’s done in a confident, humble, slightly humorous, slightly dead pan way – it WILL increase her attraction.

If I saw it as a negative – and tried to change her mind thinking those were my excuses or reasons why I’m failing – really all I’m doing is decreasing her attraction and doing what she might’ve done to herself: Disqualifying myself because for a brief second it felt like she was rejecting me or cutting me off early from doing anything else.

Think about how many times you, as a nice guy, have caught yourself doing that?

It felt like she was pre-rejecting you and your next move was to “change her mind”. Whether it was a few days, weeks, or months later before you realized you were wasting your time and how she’s never going to be with you anyways – changing her mind was not going to happen.

“The ability to function competently and positively despite feeling lonely or always being single is a strength we might overlook on our quest to become a more attractive man.”Attractive Men Are Not Perfect – Sharing and Using Your Strengths

Even if she sees you as a “sad lonely guy who couldn’t get laid to save his life” the LAST thing you want to do is disprove that to her because at that point you’re already done.

It’s not that she saw a “sad lonely guy who couldn’t get laid” which does you in – it’s the trying to prove to her you’re better than that which inevitably squeezes you out.

Now I’m not saying if that’s the case for you to run with it too much. After all, it’s more effective to better yourself first and continually.

BUT if that is the case – going with it a little – even from than angle – IS possible.

Sad can mean the broken bad boy.

Lonely can mean unloved because all the rest left you because you  “always” find a way to fuck it all up.

Couldn’t get laid to save your life CAN equal something more IF you’re smart about being persistent attractively.

Yeah that last one is a tough one to crack and must be taken on very carefully but it can work in your favor. Trust me on that. 🙂

The points today are … yeah I’m getting it out,  finally.  3 of three:

  1. Some women DO disqualify themselves to men very early the same way a nice guy does. Sometimes it’s a test, sometimes it is not.
  2. This early disqualification or “pre-rejection” can be handled two ways – positively or negatively. Trying to change her mind or prove yourself to her AND taking it personal has a negative affect on her attraction. (Assume when a woman disqualifies herself to you early on it’s either a test, a small “shell” game, OR a sign of ATTRACTION.)
  3. Her reasons or excuses or the way you believe she’s see or perceives you (judgement or observation) can be used positively. It may take some work (something specific I’ll cover later or in the newsletter so make sure you join 🙂 ) BUT at least try to go with it, avoid denying it, don’t try to prove her wrong, let her believe whatever she wants to, and use a more a slightly different fun way to slowly increase her attraction and I believe you’ll find so many different and better outcomes.

Here’s how the conversation I had with her ended (paraphrased of course) :

She wasn’t sure, “Well… Ha! Are you married or not?!”

I answered with the classic,

“I don’ think I am.” 

She laughed and we went with that a little until I led the conversation to end with this,

“Actually. Yes I am married. I don’t wear my ring because…” 

She interrupted,

“Do you have any kids?”

I answered with,

“Not that I know of…”

A minute later (unimportant stuff omitted)  I sort of got her first name right, said it, and asked (suspiciously) what her last name was. She told me and I responded with.

“Really. You’re a (last a name) Oh no! Haha!”

And as she insisted or begged me to tell her why, what, and the what it all meant I walked away, looked back and gave her my usual evil smirk.

Would you have handled it differently? Feel free to let me know.

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About the author: Creator of the nice guy approach, why do guys, why do chics, and DiaLteG TM. Transformed from a nice guy kiss ass who wanted women to like me for “who I was” to an attractive “good guy” who knows what it takes to create attraction and succeed with women, dating, and relationships.

Please visit all my pages: DiaLteG TM | The Approach | Why Do Guys…? | Why Do Chics…? OR Like my Facebook fan pages: Why Do Chics…? | DiaLteG TM OR JOIN the best group on women at Why Do Chics…?. Yes, I’m a very busy guy. 🙂 Oh… I almost forgot Twitter – Peter White.
2 comments… add one
  • Frank

    Nice post. I have amazing rapport with a woman along with her showing strong IOIs over a period of about a month and suddenly at the end of our last conversation she tells me “oh you’re probably tired of seeing me anyway”. Sounds like a disqualification to me. Problem is I don’t know how to interpret the context of this comment. She dropped “husband” casually into that last convo and when I asked her what he did for work, she alluded to him being very busy with “his projects” (I took that to mean “he’s too busy for me/doesn’t give me enough attention”). So I guess what I’m asking is why would someone show you interest and doesn’t seem to mind me doing the same, but then mention an SO (seemingly unhappily) and then throw that disqualification at me?

    • Peter White

      Thank you Frank, you’re cracking me up. 🙂 Haven’t seen IOI’s written in a long time but nevertheless…

      I’m not sure about the context of what she said earlier because you didn’t write it BUT it sounds like she’s just flirting with you AND she’s “fishing” or testing YOUR real interest in HER. It’s something guys are shown to do but women generally do it naturally.

      I’d assume she’s mentioning her husband or (Significant Other) for one of several reasons. 1. She’s telling you nicely she’s married and how it’s not going to go anywhere OR 2. She’s again testing you for interest and to see how you feel about her being “seemingly” off limits OR 3. She’s exploring her feelings about whether she would take things further with you by cheating on her husband.

      A disqualification is normally something different. It’s where you find a reason or get them to disqualify themselves to you. What she did is a form of “flirting/texting”.

      Hope that helps,

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