It’s a given that nice guys are not well-known for “playing hard to get”. The words needy, clingy, and try hard seem to be mostly reserved for them.
This brings up a major issue in the dating scene we all have to come to see.
Lots of women saying they can’t find a nice guy or how they always seem to fall for jerks or how all men are assholes even if they seem nice. Meaning sooner or later even the good guy turns bad.
We have nice guys who are not hard to get and women exclaiming they either don’t attract the nicer ones OR can not find one no matter where they look.
What’s the problem here?
Are we missing something?
Is “playing hard to get” really the answer?
First, my belief is that the missing part is in the words women often use to describe their so-called problem.
It’s not that they can not find them BUT they’re not attracted to them.
They want, some very desperately, to feel something for a nice guy but it just doesn’t happen.
They try and try and maybe even date him a few times hoping something will change. Sometimes they attempt to force the connection thinking just maybe, sooner or later, she will magically become attracted to him… but that rarely (if ever) happens leaving her confused and quite possibly blaming herself.
On the other side, the nice guy exclaims loudly, “Women only want jerks.” OR “What do I have to do, treat her like shit like that guy does?” OR…
All the problems with nice guys or not…
Playing hard to get.
How do you play hard to get if when you do, she doesn’t seem to care or notice?
How many of you nice guys have tried that it were only left to once again message (or call her) weeks or months later, because once you stopped contacting her, you never even heard from her at all?
How many of you have set up a date only to bail out claiming you were too busy that day, and all she said, “Okay, that’s fine.” like she didn’t even care anyways.
IF nice guys ARE easy to get and they don’t play hard to get and even when they try it often backfires AND women are claiming they can’t find one, then the real problem is a missing element:
As stated earlier, it’s not that women can’t find a nice guy, it’s that she doesn’t find herself attracted to the typical nice guy. All his playing hard to get doesn’t do shit to make her feel anything or something more IF she’s not feeling attracted anyways.
If you ignore someone who doesn’t care they are being ignored, what the purpose? What’s the “end game”? What does it really prove? Perhaps the one doing the ignoring feels better about themselves for doing it and so it’s an “internal” thing.
The solution is simple.
A guy must first create attraction, even if it’s just a hint. Something for her to think about it. Something which might stir her emotions enough to get her thinking about him and her a bit more than before.
THEN, since he’s nice and doesn’t want to play games, he must BE HARD TO GET.
There’s a distinct difference and it’s something I am constantly bringing up to women at Why Do Guys…?:
Some guys PLAY hard to get and…
Some guys ARE hard to get.
Playing means you are using false tactics to use a woman. That’s all I normally see and just because a woman feels like she’s being played must not be our concern.
If you’re not using her for sex and lying to her about it, if you’re not promising her things you do not intend to do or follow through with like commitment or marriage or not seeing anyone else, or if you’re not propping one woman against another purposely trying to use one to get another….
Then you’re NOT playing her. You’re NOT a player.
When you ARE hard to get it eliminates the need for games BUT it does not mean you won’t be following a rule from time to time.
One example would be, as a nice guy, let’s say you get all too eager and quickly over contact an attractive woman because you feel rushed, like it feels if you don’t act quick you’re going to lose her to someone else; then a new rule for you would be to set a clear time frame and stick to it until you’re better at keeping yourself from acting out of urgency or scarcity.
My points today are (because I will not getting into HOW to be hard to get in this post or what it means or how it’s used the right way)…
Nice guys don’t have to play hard to get. They only need to create attraction and BE hard to get.
There’s a clear difference between using rules which help you in dating, courting, attraction, and relationships, (where you might have failed before), and playing women and it’s best to learn the difference as best you can.
Guys who play women are using them for something and yes it’s normally sex and some of them DO play hard to get.
So, as one of the good guys, if you’re NOT USING women and your intentions are mainly centered around finding or discovering the best possibly mate for yourself, it must not matter or have you acting differently just because a few women might call you a player. (Granted the term USED is not always clearly defined for everyone and may be up for discussion.)
Let’s leave a few questions and see how responds:
- Have you ever played hard to get? Did it work?
- How would you define a player or a guy who uses women?
- Do you believe there’s a difference between playing hard to get and being hard to get?