There’s one question you can ask yourself which will reveal the exact reason why you can not find a girlfriend.
Do you know what that question is?
Supposedly, the answer you give is called your “secret” excuse and most guys, specifically the “nice” guys, think they have many reasons why getting an actual “good” girlfriend seem likes an impossible feat only solved with tricks and mirrors.
But they’re absolutely wrong! Everyone of them.
I had many of them myself… “I’m too short.” “I don’t make enough money.” “I’m not that good-looking, borderline average.” “I don’t go out to places where women want me to go.” “The women I like don’t seem to want me and the ones who want me, I don’t want.” “I’m too nice. I can’t treat them like shit.” Etc…
And those are just a few of them.
It took me a while to figure how wrong I was and with a little bit of “re-framing” it became painfully clear. Honestly, how could I have been so freaking stupid!
Think about those are excuses or reasons above. Think about your own and what it does to your confidence around women.
Now consider, based on that list, that you could actually be so far from the truth it might as well be on the moon and unless you’re heading there soon, you’ll never know find out the reality of your “non girlfriend” situation.
So what IS really holding back from finding a girlfriend?
Are you a short ass dude like me? Women only date tall or taller guys, am I right? It almost feels like they are just settling for a shorter man when in the rare event they actually date a shorter guy.
Is it the money thing? As if you can barely get by with what you have and any real woman wants a guy who can do things, go places, buy her things, support a family, and so on.
“In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.” Famous quote from the movie Scarface.
Maybe you think you’re not good-looking enough. You’re not really in shape or eat right. Everyone knows women only go for the hot stud type who can fuck lots of women. Maybe you believe muscles and tattoos are what women secretly want but are afraid to admit it, unlike guys who are made out to be the ones who only care about looks.
Last excuse for now…
I love this one. It’s my favorite, the nice guy thing.
You’re just “too” nice. No matter how much you want it, you can not treat women like shit. You see what it takes to get women. They want the bad boy. The prick. To be told what to do and when to do it. They WANT their man to be in charge. Obviously, those are not nice things and since you’re one of the good guys, the last thing you could ever see yourself doing – is playing games with women.
The question I mentioned in the opening… the one question which supposedly reveals your “secret excuse” or “excuses” … do you know what it is yet?
Well first of all, it does NOT reveal your secret excuses because you already know what those are; we just went over some of the more common reasons.
The question you must ask yourself has to do with focus. Do you believe by concentrating on giving what women want you’ll figure it out? Do you believe that by knowing her reactions, her responses, or the signals a woman gives, you’ll figure it all out?
I hope you said “no” to those questions.
If not, then you have your answer.
Where is your focus?
Is it on women or is it on YOU?
Getting a girlfriend, attracting women, becoming a more attractive man, honestly, seriously, these things have NOTHING to do with women in the general sense. Sure, understanding women and how attraction works and how it’s created helps and is important. It’s okay to learn those things but it won’t solve the issues. It’s okay to learn what to do in common situations so you don’t always blow it but it still won’t completely help.
Now for the right question so you can get the real answer… I know… finally, right?
When it comes to improving your relationships with women, getting a girlfriend, dating, etc… – Which is more important?
- Becoming a more attractive man… OR…
- Attracting women.
Answer honestly based on your “actual” life experiences and not what you think is “probably” the right answer.
Most men who struggle in this area are always too focused on the woman. When in fact, if they would just put that same effort into themselves the problem would take care of itself.
My point is:
Sure, take the time to figure out women better than most other men and it will help a little. Take the time to learn about attraction and how women experience it differently than you and this will help too.
But – if you want to make a REAL change, STOP putting all your focus and energy on women and direct it towards yourself.
Attracting women will become easy.
Make yourself into a more naturally attractive man. Learn and practice HOW to communicate (that) to women and you’ll quickly realize, see, and experience something very few men do.
Attracting women is not the answer. It’s only a small piece which can be filled in while you’re doing other things.
Women find themselves more deeply attracted to men whose life works this way. They rarely if ever feel this way towards men whose life and thoughts revolve around them and what to do to “get” them.