Beautiful can be such a strange word because its definition depends on the person using it and nice guys are no exception.
Dictionaries often describe beauty or beautiful as “pleasing the senses or mind aesthetically” or “generally pleasing” so it becomes clear that if something or someone (like a woman) makes you feel good, it can be described as being beautiful or having beauty.
You can describe me as a (sort of) “ex-nice guy” which gives me a very personal insight into how they think. One relevant example comes to mind when the nice guy sees an attractive woman and is suddenly flushed with negative thoughts and feelings.
If beauty is supposed to be generally pleasing to the viewer, why does the nice guy feel bad or worse around them?
A want or yearning.
A sexual desire.
A sometimes unbreakable urge to stare while at the same time a feeling of disgust, regret, and then a little Jealousy.
A cruel joke for having to see something I could never have or the ultimate tease.
Inferiority. A reminder of my low self-esteem, lack of confidence, having little experience, and then anger over those who can and who are experiencing her touch.
From there comes the false love. A feeling of wanting to please the “pleaser”. Make her smile. Make her happy. Overly friendly.
All the nice guy tactics of “trying” anything “nice” in hopes of her wanting them back.
It’s easy to now see how the nice guy exhibits so many unattractive traits around women he finds beautiful it’s hard to determine whether he actually does want to date beauty because in reality, while he may dream of it happening, his actual actions do everything BUT make it happen.
Some may even argue he is an evolutionary dead-end and this is nature’s way of saying, “Hey, either start doing things right or you lose because your Genes may be right, but your actions are wrong and will only cause harm to the family.”
At least in my worst times that is how it felt to me. You may experience something different.
Here are my proposed questions regarding this enormous and interesting topic of nice guys wanting or not wanting a beautiful woman:
Does the negative association the nice guy often has around beautiful women actually make him NOT want to date them or want them to be his girlfriend?
Does he struggle attracting them because of all the negative emotions or bad experiences he has been through or is it something deeper?
Often our confidence is lowered because of rejection and it certainly makes it difficult to believe or try to date beauty when we see and experience her dating only one type of guy. Mainly tall, dark, handsome, etc… or whatever your view of a guy is who happens to always be with a beautiful woman.
Can the nice guy separate his feelings over beauty with regards to his sexual desires?
Which overrides the other or do they happen simultaneously?
When you mix negative feelings of beauty and a strong sexual desire for it there’s bound to be some struggling mental issues. This internal conflict tugs the nice guy to and fro causing even more anxiety, angst, and a somewhat helpless feeling inside. In turn the mind runs itself in a tight spiral where no relief seems to be in sight without drastic measures being taken.
Does all this actually make him an unreliable source to decide what is beautiful and what is not? (A very interesting question indeed.)
Who in reality actually is a “reliable” source to decide beauty. Who is right? Who is wrong? OR is it the common view often supported that beauty is in the eye of the beholder?
All is fine and well and makes sense. We tend to see things in our own way. However we must admit that certain people are not good at seeing beauty in anything and therefore would not be considered reliable. Since the nice guy may (or may not) have too many hangups or problems with beauty for all the reasons listed here today, then is he actually a reliable source?
Granted unless it’s part of his profession it might not matter to others, but for himself, it tends to matter a lot.
Does the nice guy’s habits make him search for beauty on the inside first because he doesn’t feel “attractive” enough to get a beautiful woman or because his so-called nice nature has him looking beyond the surface for his suitable mate?
I love this question because it poses a real dilemma which might be made worse through philosophy or strong opinions.
Obviously there are some of us who want both. Some settle for one or the other. Others engage in a never-ending search for this apparent illusive combination. While even some claim you can’t have both stating beauty on the outside inevitably leads to a destruction of the soul.
Which ever you believe tends to sway your opinions making it more difficult to get to a truth many of us can or will agree on and thus the question still remains an arguable one and poses even more questions:
Do we search for those who we feel are equal in physical attractiveness or beauty because of how we rate ourselves based on how attractive we feel? Again, since we don’t feel good enough we aim lower compared to another person’s standards.
Does a nice guys “character” or morality have him looking deeper and ignoring outward beauty because it makes him feel bad admitting to be attracted to beauty or is it inherent to being a nice guy?
I can fully admit I want it all.
Beauty to me must be consistent throughout the woman. Although rare, certainly are worth every effort on my part and I have done the work necessary to achieve this goal. I want my sexual desire and ability to vocalize them to her to be genuine and truthful to all ends. (As once written in my controversial article – What Does It Really Mean To Only Want To Date Beautiful Women?)
With that said…
Does this now make me “not a nice guy” or a self-proclaimed “ex nice guy” because I’ve eliminated many of the bad associations I’ve had with beautiful women or because I’ve stated I only want to date a beautiful woman thereby eliminating me from being a real focus in the discussion?
I know, whether you say I’m nice or not anymore, I’ve experienced the nice guy plight, his failings, the rejections, a ton of hardships, massive heartaches, and deep helpless feelings when it came to dating and attracting women I personally found attractive.
The accidental research has been done.
As far as I’m concerned, despite all the questions and wondering how moral I am or what caused what or led to whatever…
This “nice guy” does want to date beautiful women and to make it perfectly clear to anyone and everyone, I am currently dating and fully committed to a most beautiful woman… inside and out.