The Nice Guy Approach To Building A Social Life… PAGE 1:
- Why nice guys fail in their social life.
- Learning to be objective, honest, and real.
- Step 1.
- Check out the outside resources only page to an attractive social life.
Use your social skills to every advantage you can because this area will impact everything.
Your social life hands you choices. Gives you opportunities. Allows you to practice and use a guys most attractive trait (nice or not) which is…
Your personality, how you communicate or convey it, and the most influential asset any guys has to attract the women he wants… conversations or just plain talking to women.
Developing a robust social life and being perceived by others as a leader is not the top place to be but it’s certainly one of the best. I’d say the top would be reserved for the rich and famous in most fields.
However you don’t need to excel that far. You only need to have one which is beneficial to your immediate or long-term goals with women. That’s all.
Most “nice guys” fail here not because they don’t have a social life, for one, but they actually believe you need a certain social life to succeed with women.
Which is not entirely wrong BUT it’s certainly not the whole truth.
Two, because they don’t take complete advantage of their social life.
They miss easy opportunities daily just because the cashier’s not a hot woman or they get stuck with a waiter instead of a waitress, they assume a woman is not single, they walk by woman after woman after woman without ever saying a word, and etc…
Three, because they’re shy, reserved, afraid, secretly judge others from within, believe others care about them, feel self-conscious, over think, under speak, and if they’re like me can be a bit lazy in our daily activities.
So, yes, I believe it can be work and yes it does require energy (and time must be set aside) BUT I also believe that once it’s in place, a successful social life becomes that much easier to maintain.
There are several ways to look at this problem and even more ways to solve it. This is not a short subject.
Let’s be honest and completely real.
If you’re only interested in playing video games and your social life is not really that social at all OR you never put yourself in a better position to meet the kind of women you want, you can blame your “woman problems” on being nice all you want but that could not be further from the truth, and I think you know it.
If you keep meeting the wrong women for YOU, the types you want nothing to do with, then you’re definitely NOT going to the right places and meeting the right kinds of people.
For example, let’s say you do go to the Gym to stay in shape but you don’t really like it. You’re not that athletic. You just don’t feel comfortable being there.
Why in the world would you let not approaching women there make you feel like you’re not attractive enough to get a woman like that? The fact is, even IF you were to achieve some success you will (more than likely) find yourself with an athletic woman who is quickly complaining you never do things together.
If you ARE out there, or putting yourself on the block everyday, and it’s not working for you, then it’s clear how you talk to women or why you get their numbers is not creating attraction and that’s the area you must look into solving first.
In other words, learning how attraction works for women MUST come first otherwise your social life will be a disadvantage. You’ll waste a lot of time and energy when it could be channeled towards something more productive like getting laid or going on dates.
If you’re young and living more of a party lifestyle and you’re only seeing or dating women who are drunks or addicts or filled with drama with very little “early” potential, and that’s not the type of women you want in your life, then be honest about it and either walk away, limit it, or date outside that part of your social life.
If you’re older and set in your ways more and it’s becoming harder to meet single women then you must again be objective and smart about it, first think of dating outside of work, go online more, find or discover where single women your age are more likely to be and start doing it.
All that leads us to…
YOUR FIRST STEP IN DEVELOPING A SOCIAL LIFE WHICH WILL WORK FOR YOU:
Be objective and completely honest about your situation.
That means stepping back and weeding through all the bullshit so you can see what’s going on much more clearly.
Yes, I know it sounds simple and as I went through it, did occur to me why I didn’t do it before or how much of an ass I was to not bother trying something so easy.
Be objective and ask the right questions:
- What is your social life doing for you?
- Do you feel your social life balanced and healthy?
- How can you make it better?
- Why isn’t it working for you?
- Is it putting you in positions to meet the types of women you want?
- Are your friends helping you?
- Who do you know?
- How do you know them?
- How many new people do you meet everyday?
- Do you talk to everyone?
- What’s holding you back socially or what are your excuses? *IMPORTANT QUESTION*
- Are you having fun? If not, then why? What’s the problem?
- What are you passionate about and what are you doing to follow those passions?
- What or who does your life revolve around… money, women, health, being popular?
(I know I’ve missed some questions and I encourage everyone to add them below and I will post them up. The more the better.)
Be specific. Be clear. Be honest. Learn to ask the right questions for your specific needs.
Remain objective and not judgmental of yourself. This is not to put yourself down or to make you feel like shit.
It’s about gaining a real perspective outside the box of your normal routine.
We’ve discussed a few reasons why nice guy fail in their social life and I’ve tried hard to avoid any blame game or nice guy bashing. Let’s not get stuck there.
We’ve also gone over a first step in achieving social success through objective reasoning.
Knowing what is happening and what is going wrong makes it easier to develop a social life which naturally involves women we are interested in dating or more.
Remember, a social life offers opportunities and can help us achieve better results BUT we need the knowledge of attraction, how it works, and how it is created to make full use of it. There are plenty of attractive nice guys who have a valid social life who don’t succeed past just that.
A social life IS important but we only need a small one which works for us and our personal goals.
Step 2 – Are You Meeting Single Women?
Is your social life leading you to meet single women naturally? Answer these questions to give you a dating life with choices, and opportunities.
Step 3 – Creating New Experiences In Your Life
Women are less attracted to guys whose life revolves around them. Questions and answers on enhancing your social experience to an attractive balance.